Family problems are manifested through complaints and claims to each other, proposed by each individually and together. Complaints and claims come from those rigid programs which are the neurophysiological consequence of parental setups -specific models in the four main life spheres: health, money, internal family relations (inter-relations) and external relations (intra-relations). Settings and programs are created from early childhood through parental modeling of basic life principles and later during school years through external relations with classmates and teachers.
An example of creating and fixation of a particular behavior setting model
From a fairly early childhood, the mother tells to a six-year-old daughter that sticking out of the group is fraught with problems. It is necessary to be like everyone else. Repeating this setting for several years, the mother puts a new model of behavior in the child’s psyche. A new neurophysiological “song” is recorded in the child’s neural system. Installation is equal to persuasion. With this belief the child goes to school and if she sees the confirmation through the intra-relations, the “the recorded song” becomes more pronounced, more voluminous, more fixated. Confirmation can be obtained through such a scenario: the girl gets acquainted with a classmate and goes to visit her. If the mother of a classmate has set the same mentality in her child’s psyche, it will manifest itself in her behavior model. The girl will hear familiar phrases in another family, and her neural network-settings will acquire new neural structures and become a program. It will take several years and these settings, progressing to the program, will begin to dictate to the girl’s consciousness certain choices of decisions leading to a particular model of behavior.
The girl will grow up and get married. It is clear that her husband will have other, sometimes opposite, patterns of behavior. There will be a conflict in the family inter-relations. Such conflicts – incompatible models of behavior – can be in various spheres of life, such as: attitudes toward men / women, attitudes toward money, attitudes toward health, attitudes toward intra-connections of the spouse etc.
What to do? How to solve family problems?
It is clear that the differences in patterns of behavior are sooner or later manifested in inter-conflicts and misunderstanding of each other. Even if one of the spouses (most often the one who is much older) begins to understand the cause of conflicts and adapt to the patterns of behavior of the partner, he will still not go away from internal dissatisfaction with inter-relations in the family.
Our “Center of Rehabilitation Hypnotherapy ” offers the possibility of reprogramming the rigid programs of both spouses in order to create a common denominator in the spheres of their coupledom, where conflict situations in the family were most observed.
It is better to come to a common denominator (the same general program) in the following areas: (1) love (what is love: a common and concrete concept), (2) sexual relations and (3) tactile-bodily relationships.
People have different meanings to the word Love. It is clear that it is installed by parents from an early age through, first of all, the model of their behavior. Three models are possible:
Model A: when the spouses are absorbed by each other. The vectors of their attention are directed at each other. This pattern of behavior is short-lived and destructive according to their inter-relationships. When the absorption fades, the model A turns into model B.
Model B. Vectors of their attention are directed to intra-relations. Each of them is absorbed with own social life. It is clear that little attention is paid to each other. Everyone feels a lack of attention, and thereafter claims to each other grow.
Model C. Vectors of their attention are directed equally to one goal. It can be a common interest or a field of activity. Interest should be sincere, not pretentious. Such common goals should increase (quantitatively and qualitatively) according to the experience and the number of years spent together. Only then we can talk about the integrity of the family.
It is known that over time, sexual relations between spouses become less frequent and less intense / impressionable. Of course, they start against the background of specific programs, her and his. Here, the maximum sincerity between them and the conscious leaving of limiting and sometimes destructive behavior programs are important. Therapeutic hypnosis, sexopathology and psychotherapy may help here. One thing is important: to develop a common program for the habitual directing of the attention vector on making pleasure to the partner at each sexual act. As long as the attention is on the own pleasure, because of differences in physiology and other factors, the gap between the spouses will eventually increase.
The original behavioral programs in this area can cause the greatest harm to joint relations. For example, if a girl grew up in a contactless environment, and the boy grew up, on the contrary, in an overly contact family, then the discrepancy in their programs will make its presence felt very soon. He will be constantly in the complaint about the lack of physical contact, she will not understand why it is so important for him. There is a conflict. And this is a sphere of joint life, which is not so easy to be discussed. There must be a joint program of desire to make bodily pleasure to each other, such as a light massage of the whole body, frequent hugs, constant kisses, foot massage and so on. It is important to develop a desire to do this for a partner, and not do it under pressure.
Establishing new neurophysiological programs, such as:
- Model “B” in LOVE
- Common interests in INTRA-Relations
- The desire to develop mutual pleasure in INTER-RELATIONSHIPS
…family life will get better. This will take from three months to six months of persistence and patience and, of course, efforts from both sides.
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Doctor of Science in Medical Psychology, hypnotherapist, professor